Andrea Karshan's Articles, Dating, Jewish, Saw You at Sinai

The Lashon Hara of Saw You At Sinai Matchmaker Notes

I found out that even though my account is disabled on SYAS there are numerous matchmaker notes (probably from people that I don’t even know) saying negative things about me. I wasn’t supposed to find out about this because matchmaker notes are kept private and members aren’t supposed to know what they say. But several people connected with the site informed me that these notes were written. 

The way that SYAS matchmaker notes work is regardless of whether or not they are your assigned matchmaker or whether or not they know you they can leave a note about you. Basically, it’s a bunch of random people (who are matchmakers on SYAS) leaving lashon hara about the members. The notes don’t need to be facts.. they can just be opinions.. and even though in theory they are supposed to be based on truth they can be complete lies.. and if it is a lie since the member is totally oblivious to the note and is never asked if the information is true or not they don’t get a chance to refute it. So the notes work as a rumor mill, random matchmakers sharing their thoughts on random members. It’s lashon hara at its finest.

Judaism speaks strongly against lashon hara. And I would hate to see someone miss out on a Shidduch because of this practice on the part of SYAS.

I urge Rabbonim and others who support and/or use the SYAS site to speak out against this practice. Hopefully, that will encourage SYAS to change this policy and end the practice of matchmaker notes being done this way.

Update: Several people have contacted me since I wrote this article. They got screenshots of what matchmakers said about them from other matchmakers. It’s just horrifying what goes on in these matchmaker notes. People need to be aware that this isn’t just the case for Saw You At Sinai. But also for all the sites that connect to their network (there are 100s of sites). They all share each other’s matchmaker notes.


    1. Andrea Karshan Author

      I have contacted several Rabbonim about SYAS. I think people would be interested to know that many of the Rabbonim that they list as supporters of the site are no longer involved in the site and/or have never been involved with the actual running of the organization or website.

      Comment from one of the Rabbis who are listed:

      “I really have no connection with Saw You at Sinai.  Originally when it was started, I endorsed the concept, but I have never been involved with the actual running  of  the organization or website.”

  1. Becky

    Unfortunately, the last time I spoke to them about this and some of their other methods, they gave me the cold shoulder and said “This is how the Rabbonim said we should do it!”

    1. Andrea Karshan Author

      I want to thank everyone who read my article and left positive feedback. Many people have contacted me and told me they are concerned about SYAS’s matchmaker note policy. They think that maybe they have negative notes on them too. It isn’t hard to get a negative note written about you. You don’t even need to know the matchmaker or have interacted with them. They can just be simply trolling your account. And in the end, that’s very sad. Because these notes not only go to SYAS site, but also all the sister sites associated with SYAS. So basically once the matchmakers have labeled you as whatever.. that label stays on all SYAS affiliated sites.

      The only way that we can end this madness is by asking SYAS to end this policy and put more regulations on their matchmaker notes. In addition while this fiasco is still going on, matchmakers can help by if they see a negative note and they know it is bs they can refute it in their matchmaker note (since the single can’t defend themselves in the matchmaker notes.)


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