I found out that even though my account is disabled on SYAS there are numerous matchmaker notes (probably from people that I don’t even know) saying negative things about me. I wasn’t supposed to find out about this because matchmaker notes are kept private and members aren’t supposed to know what they say. But several people connected with the site informed me that these notes were written.
The way that SYAS matchmaker notes work is regardless of whether or not they are your assigned matchmaker or whether or not they know you they can leave a note about you. Basically, it’s a bunch of random people (who are matchmakers on SYAS) leaving lashon hara about the members. The notes don’t need to be facts.. they can just be opinions.. and even though in theory they are supposed to be based on truth they can be complete lies.. and if it is a lie since the member is totally oblivious to the note and is never asked if the information is true or not they don’t get a chance to refute it. So the notes work as a rumor mill, random matchmakers sharing their thoughts on random members. It’s lashon hara at its finest.
Judaism speaks strongly against lashon hara. And I would hate to see someone miss out on a Shidduch because of this practice on the part of SYAS.
I urge Rabbonim and others who support and/or use the SYAS site to speak out against this practice. Hopefully, that will encourage SYAS to change this policy and end the practice of matchmaker notes being done this way.
Update: Several people have contacted me since I wrote this article. They got screenshots of what matchmakers said about them from other matchmakers. It’s just horrifying what goes on in these matchmaker notes. People need to be aware that this isn’t just the case for Saw You At Sinai. But also for all the sites that connect to their network (there are 100s of sites). They all share each other’s matchmaker notes.