Andrea Karshan's Articles, Intermarriage, Jewish

Why Jewish Men Shouldn’t Intermarry And Create More Patrilineal Jews

I promised there would be more and here it is.. my second recording on SoundCloud. My thoughts as on why Jewish men shouldn’t intermarry and create more Patrilineal Jews. I am a Patrilineal Jew. Being a Patrilineal Jew is hard. Being a convert is hard. Life would have been much easier if my father hadn’t intermarried. Then I would have the status of a born Jew. I share my thoughts on how it hurts the Jewish man’s children when he intermarries.


  1. Hernan Anllo

    This column was excellent. I want to congratulate you for your courage and honesty. But if I may, this is not a reason for stopping intermarriage, this is a reason for the orthodox community to stop being such a bunch of fucking cocksuckers who don’t give a rat’s ass about loving your neighbour and opening up to a larger, better definition of what judaism is. I’ve spent years in the orthodox community so I know what I’m talking about. It is very very hard to be a convert, but that’s the community’s fault, not yours. I spit on the face of anyone who dares to call you a “second class jew”.

  2. Miriam

    Hi, I’m writing as a Baales Teshuva (someone who grew up secular but chose to become more religious/orthodox as I entered adulthood.) There are MANY universally recognized batei din who handle conversions and if yours was through one of them, NO ONE should question your status at any point whether you are still currently religious or not. At the same time, there are some small communities in the religious world with such a fear of the unknown and the outside world that they can’t bring themselves to associate with anyone that was ever a part of it (be it goy, patrilineal Jew, secular Jew, or even occasionally a Jew of a different religious sect.) I really urge you to try to find a community more accepting of your journey and there are a lot around the world, especially in America and Israel.

    With all that I do agree with you that intermarriage, specifically a Jewish man and nonJewish woman, creates an inconvenient circumstance where people can only ever truly fit in with with half of the Jewish world and it’s best to be avoided at all costs.

    1. Josh Gonik

      “With all that I do agree with you that intermarriage, specifically a Jewish man and nonJewish woman, creates an inconvenient circumstance where people can only ever truly fit in with with half of the Jewish world and it’s best to be avoided at all costs.”

      So, it’s OK for Jewish women to intermarry but not for Jewish men. Gotcha. That’s not sexist at all!

      1. Miriam

        It isn’t about the roles of men versus women whatsoever. Orthodox and Conservative Judaism believe that Judaism is passed matrilineally. Therefore, in terms of the status of the child, this problem only arises when a man marries out, not a women. That being said, anyone who is against intermarriage, is against it regardless of which spouse is the Jewish one.

  3. Intermarriage is a major issue and it is highly unfair to the children. There are so many children out there that are confused about their identity and who they are.

    Besides the human toll it is a real threat to the future of our community. When you have a large proportion of our community intermarrying (58% of all Jews and 71% of the non-Orthodox) and only 20% of the children being raised as Jews as per the Pew Study it does not take a rocket scientist to figure out that in the near future there may be far fewer of us.

    To learn more please take a look at

      1. yossi

        it’s not halacha…either we do judaism or we don’t do judaism. if anything this is an argument for people to encourage patrilineal jews to convert and to make sure that they are treated well since converts, even if they have no jewish lineage, are supposed to be loved and 36 times the torah says to love the convert. let’s not change halacha but let’s change hearts and minds to be full of ahavas yisrael for the gerrim of the world. peace to you!

  4. Mary

    I can tell to this only one thing. Every human can love,who wants. First thing,second thing. European people are inteligent and mix a blood with them is not bad. European woman can convert to judaism and share a jewish life with her man. Exist many secular jews,which dont solve a religion and dont need it in life. European woman can find a jewish man in this space, or convert to judaism. Liberal judaism, reform judaism. I dont recommend orthodox, because from my view of the world are too strict, similar to muslims. Me alone, i interest many years in jewish world, and i feel to them big sympathy. I want to convert to liberal judaism, when will be possibility. Its on concret human, how he is seing his world. Daughter of american president is convertit to orthodox judaism and they are happy with her husband 10 years, and it looks,that he really loves her. Me alone, i would like to find a sympatic jewish man and marry him, and have baby. I dont see any problem in conversion, but of course maybe many people are not tolerant and will not take this woman into their worlds. convertits are not velcome by jewish community. But human lives same in life for own family and not for people. Life is more complicated than someone thinks, and human fell in love, and i dont thin,that will solve religion, ethnicity, or race. its so important in life? I dont think so. Children can choose own way in peace in an adult age,My mama has a friend from work, her mama was czech woman, her farther was jewish, and didnt have problems in life. She likes her jewish identity, Israel, and czech identity too. Its a woman in 53 years old, very kind!And when someone say,that jewish man shouldnt have child with european woman for example, so its racism and enough cruel.

  5. Michael Ray

    dating J girls is challenging. I am no longer surprised to hear of J men dating non-J women. in many cases, sadly, it’s more a matter of having no choice except for dating/marrying outside the faith

  6. A Nouny Mouse

    I was intermarried with a non-Jewish woman despite being raised in a traditional home, receiving a Modern Orthodox yeshiva day school education and going through a baal teshuva phase and also having been very Zionist and formerly hoping to make aliyah — I never expected to intermarry but I wound up doing so because all my ideals went out the window once I became intimately involved with a beautiful woman who wanted to marry me She at times said she wanted to convert, but I actually discouraged her from doing so, because I was not then ready to resume a Torah-observant lifestyle (assuming she would have wanted an Orthodox conversion, which she claimed to be interested in without fully understanding what that would entail) . We had no children together, but she had kids from a prior relationship. Being a stepfather though, in addition to potentially complicating any possible conversion (if she would convert would her daughter as well), also made me realize I DID NOT want kids, not with her, not with anyone, Jewish or non-Jewish. Today I am once again observant (somewhat), I go to my Orthodox shul to help with a minyan on a regular basis for minyanim, but I know I am regarded strangely as a 50-year old bachelor with no kids. I don’t want kids, but sometimes I feel like I’d even be more accepted at another level if I did have kids, even withn a non-Jewish woman. (There is a member of our shul who married his wife and had his daughter with her and she and the child converted several years after the fact, now he has a very kosher shomer mitzvot family with her and is the shul’s gabbai. I am the weirdo in the minyan wityh no kids and what’s more, when people tell me “I hope soon you;ll get married so I can dance at your huppa and be at your children;s bris and baby-naming” I blurt out things like “Has ve shalom, G-d forbid!” To me, my biggest mistake to libve Jewishly was not my intermarriage or failure to have children, but my failure to make aliyah and serve in the IDF.


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