By Andrea Karshan
My friend said:
“What Hitler couldn’t do to the Jews the Jews are doing to themselves. This seems to be true about Jewish singles today and the way they treat each other.” You’re too short. You’re too skinny. You’re too fat”,etc The scrutiny that Jewish singles treat each other with is causing a crisis that would make the Nazis laugh. “
I don’t support intermarriage, but I recently had one male friend become engaged to a non-Jew after looking for a Jewish woman for 10+ years. Another male friend brought his non-Jewish girlfriend to shul. Another friend said she is thinking of dating /marrying a non-Jew just cause her kids will be Jewish, and it’s just been too tough finding a Jewish man. And a male friend said he has thought of looking for a non-Jew that would convert to marry cause he can’t find a Jewish girl.
That being said, we all have to stop being so anal about dating. We are forcing our own to look elsewhere.
I honestly think the problem is that people are too picky about who they date. When I see what some men and women are looking for in a partner, I know they will probably never find it. That being said, if I see them twenty years from now, they will probably still be single.
Some people need to shorten their list of qualifications that they have for a partner. In a perfect world, the IMPERFECT person that THEY are would be able to find that “perfect” person. But the reality is that in this world, dating is two imperfect people finding each other.
Also, I see a lot of people preaching to other people about intermarriage. Yes, intermarriage is bad. But being alone for 5,10,20 sometimes 30 or 40 years is terrible also. So when I listen to happily married Jews preach to a Jew who has been single a long time after looking for a Jewish partner and is now considered dating a non-Jew I think to myself there has got to be a better way. Saying to someone stick it out someone will come from somewhere isn’t practical and doesn’t make the person feel any better. I think instead of preaching, those offering their advice should try to match the person up with a friend of theirs. Everyone has single friends. Why aren’t they introducing them to each other? If people aren’t trying to provide a solution, then they should probably keep their mouths shut.
So to solve this crisis, the people dating have to be realistic about themselves and who they are looking for. And the onlookers need to be a little more helpful than just criticizing or patronizing those seeking partners. They need to be proactive like I suggested above. Introduce their friends to one and another. Connect people.